New Years should be a good thing. It’s a chance to renew, start fresh. You can choose to bring all the old garbage with you or you can say to yourself: This is a New Year... and I am going to do things differently.
For at least the last forty years, every New Year I tell myself, this will be a good year. Sometimes I’m right- sometimes not. I remain hopeful though and that is probably the key thing.
My mothers family was in a car accident on New Years Eve in 1939. The four of them, my mother, her brother and her parents were driving south on Mission. St in San Francisco, near the “top of the hill” when out of nowhere came a car to their right, hitting the front right side of their car. It killed my grandmother, broke both of my mother’s legs, left my uncle in a coma for months and injured my grandfather’s back; pain he would feel for the rest of his life. The driver of the other vehicle was drunk and ran a stop sign. I don’t know if he lived or died or was ever punished. But I suspect if he lived- he was not punished as much as he should have been.
For years- all my life I think, my mother would not celebrate the New Year. Instead she would start the year off depressed and inconsolable. Somewhere a long the way- I must have decided to start the year off fresh and no matter what was going on, to look at the New Year as a new beginning: With hope.
This year, I admit, that may be difficult. I’m trying to sell my house in a crappy market so I can go back to California and be near my family. The housing market is bad right now and that is my profession so I have no money coming in. I’m a little overwhelmed by the daunting task of packing up a four bedroom home all by myself and transporting myself, one 13 year old, blind, diabetic dog, an arthritic dog and a crazy, energetic puppy, across the continent. Do you know how many pee/walk stops that is? At least one every 3 hours.
I want to show my son though- I want to show him that no matter how bad things get- that I get up every morning and I put one foot in front of the other. Because the minute I give in, or give up it will get worse. Giving up is not an option. Sometimes it takes more backbone than I think I have- but I do it anyway.
I’m an even keeled person. I’m seldom exuberantly happy or so depressed I can’t get out of bed. I go for daily walks and meditate to find my inner strength or on some days, find my story. I look for beauty in nature and occasionally find it in people. I have friends and family whose hearts are so beautiful I think I am the luckiest of all to know them.
If I add it all up…which I try not to do- I may have had more bad years than good but, I am hopeful. Not naïve or ignorant, just hopeful.
I think 2009 is going to be a good year. I know I may lose someone I love it seems I do every year, maybe a dog, maybe a friend, maybe a family member. I know I may have bad days and some good days. I know I may have days I want to write but can’t find any words, or days I want to play but have no one to play with. I am hopeful.
Happy 2009 to all of you.
For at least the last forty years, every New Year I tell myself, this will be a good year. Sometimes I’m right- sometimes not. I remain hopeful though and that is probably the key thing.
My mothers family was in a car accident on New Years Eve in 1939. The four of them, my mother, her brother and her parents were driving south on Mission. St in San Francisco, near the “top of the hill” when out of nowhere came a car to their right, hitting the front right side of their car. It killed my grandmother, broke both of my mother’s legs, left my uncle in a coma for months and injured my grandfather’s back; pain he would feel for the rest of his life. The driver of the other vehicle was drunk and ran a stop sign. I don’t know if he lived or died or was ever punished. But I suspect if he lived- he was not punished as much as he should have been.
For years- all my life I think, my mother would not celebrate the New Year. Instead she would start the year off depressed and inconsolable. Somewhere a long the way- I must have decided to start the year off fresh and no matter what was going on, to look at the New Year as a new beginning: With hope.
This year, I admit, that may be difficult. I’m trying to sell my house in a crappy market so I can go back to California and be near my family. The housing market is bad right now and that is my profession so I have no money coming in. I’m a little overwhelmed by the daunting task of packing up a four bedroom home all by myself and transporting myself, one 13 year old, blind, diabetic dog, an arthritic dog and a crazy, energetic puppy, across the continent. Do you know how many pee/walk stops that is? At least one every 3 hours.
I want to show my son though- I want to show him that no matter how bad things get- that I get up every morning and I put one foot in front of the other. Because the minute I give in, or give up it will get worse. Giving up is not an option. Sometimes it takes more backbone than I think I have- but I do it anyway.
I’m an even keeled person. I’m seldom exuberantly happy or so depressed I can’t get out of bed. I go for daily walks and meditate to find my inner strength or on some days, find my story. I look for beauty in nature and occasionally find it in people. I have friends and family whose hearts are so beautiful I think I am the luckiest of all to know them.
If I add it all up…which I try not to do- I may have had more bad years than good but, I am hopeful. Not naïve or ignorant, just hopeful.
I think 2009 is going to be a good year. I know I may lose someone I love it seems I do every year, maybe a dog, maybe a friend, maybe a family member. I know I may have bad days and some good days. I know I may have days I want to write but can’t find any words, or days I want to play but have no one to play with. I am hopeful.
Happy 2009 to all of you.
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